Its Been a While

its been a while

oooo! great Staind song! lol...everything seems to go back to songs & music with me doesnt it? ;)

but really now [and Im avoiding the word "seriously" hehe] I kinda anticipated this, I start writing a semi-diary, it was OBVIOUS Id stop...cause....its me, and I know myself...lol...at least a bit....

anywayz, what Ive been up to? probably much...what do I mean by that? I dont remmeber much...yeah, my memory is a funy thing...I dont remember all kind of stuff...kinda like when I wanna hold grudges, and I cant...and not cause Im this good person, but becasue I cant rememebr....lol...happened to me yesterday, something happened in the morning [cant rememebr with who even!] and in the evening I thought, "who do I need to give a payback" and I was like...o_O I couldnt remember the what, not even the who...xD hmp

Id just say its casue its not important and I couldnt care less, and that'd probably be true....hmp...I really dont care...meh.

what else? I made a last.fm account...it got all messed up, and opened a new one....LOL! though I like my new name, even though I enjoy inner freak, my new one is fun as well! :) the pic in this post is my userpic there, and Im just TOTLALY inlove with it!!!! ^_^

anwyayz...short post, cause, no one is rading this & I got my final final tomorrow....school sucks...lol..tomorrow, school will rock, cause itll be officially OVER!

so, just emrace your inner freak, and we'll be all good :p

The End and a Double Begining accompined with some Music

so...I skipped one day on posting..sorry....lol..I wasnt in the the interent much....lol...yesterday was a busy day

I did my final in Civics, which means, no more civics...EVER! :D:D:D

then, I was supposed to go dress shoping with my sister...but we had a fight over the most stupidest thing! baa..in the end we made up and went...and just as we got into the car, there was "The Reason" by Hoobastank [love that band :) ] which TOTALLY fot our situation..if you knew what it was..lol....and damit...Im SO annoyed at myself...when I get REALLY mad, I cry...baa..and its SO annoying, cause people just think I cry cause they hirt my feelings or something..but the fact is, Im just SO mad..I cry...so my mum told my sister "look what you did, she's crying now" or something like that, and I was like "Im not crying" [while tears dripping down my face.

gosh, annoying!

and then with the song...cause Im such an emotional girl [baa] again...blah..this sucks... maybe my PMS is about to come....though Im not any crankier then usual during THAT time of the month...^_^ Im always cranky and annoying :p

lol

so, we went shopping! and we found the perfect dress!!! and even two! :O:O:O lol..from none dresses to two! ^_^ one is black & white stipes, strapless, till the knees, and its REALLY comfortable and flattering =] the other, which we bought cause it was juts so sweet, and REALLY cheap - and this was a "high class" shop...the prices were...high...lol [my siser went crazy^^ Im usually a really convinient and "cheap" girl...xD] so, that other dress was really cheap & cute, so we go that one too...its light purple* pink, and white, and just really sweet and pretty!

once my camera is fixed, Ill take pics and post them :)

otehr than THAT...nothing much happened here....my next final is only on NEXT THursday, so I got time to relax and do nothing! wicked!

what do you suggest I do with my "vacation"? hehe

PS-the icon, I did, and its because I LOVE the song, I Changed My Name by the best band ever, Sugarcult


The Reason by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You [x3]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you


I Changed My Name by Sugarcult

I couldn't sleep last night
My ears were ringing in my head
Best friends with the boogie man
I may be better off here dead
Running on empty once again
Too tired for tears I dread
Sink deep into those magic dreams
While I blast off in my bed

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
Since I changed my name

Three hours later and i'm staring at the ceiling still
Xanax does nothing more but calm the sleeping thrill
Turning the pillows round and round to find the cold spot for my head
Ah, bless my only friend

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
And everyone turns tricks for fickle fame

I feel my body's lost control
My knees get weak as I drift away
And it gets darker, darker
Dreaming's where I am

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain

And you know I played it all in here
Where everyone hides their darkest shades of fears
And I threw my whole night down the drain
You know cause everyone says that i'm not the same
Since I changed my name

*sigh*

if Im reduced to putting the *sigh* in my title...its just a sign to how bad I am right now....

my Civics teacher just called me...I did the civics semi final again, cause the first one didnt go well, and this one went even worse! though, one mistake that cose me a lot of points wasnt something I didnt know..I just thought htey ment something else when they asked the question! so, its really not fair! cause I know how to answer both questions!

arggg

Civics SUCK!!!

so, Im suposed to go tomorrow to go through my test with the teacher...I guess thats good, to know my mistakes and such, especially since the FINAL is on Monday...

other than that....I saw today Cayote Ugly [or however its spelled] gosh...Ive probably seen that movie like a thousand times, and I still enjoy it..^_^ LOL I also saw a movie called Beacuase I Said So, and its really cool! I enjoyed it a lot! :) some highlight in this awaful day...=/

I also talked with my mate, lol...he's sending me the weirdest signals..I dunno what he thinks of me...if something romantic or not..baa..

life suck at the moment.

and I have nothing to do on the comp, nothing to read and nothing to watch on TV..so nothing to do...and I dont feel like socializing....not now....so I though of doing some Photoshop...but I dunno what to do...baa

so..just embrace your inner freak and deal with your life.

Movie

okay, just quick update from the movie-not-date.

it was SO much fun!!!

=) =) =)

we got there 30 mins earlier, so we just wlked around talking, it was fun. usually with new people, its harder to talk to, cause they dont know you, but it was really fun talking with him, so I loosened up [maybe even too much..^_^ lol, no...xD] then the movie, which was good, but a whee bit TOO long....from 10:30 till 2 I mean..what were they thinking? but it had its good bad [a lot] and some less good one as well [not so much though]

but it was just fun, and I had a good time.

and thats all I really wnted to say, after Ive been a bit worrying as to what will be, and what will we tlak about..

so, good night [its 2 am now...its literally a quick update after the non-date-date :p]

and DO please embrace your inner freak ;)

Pointless Bordness

so, I didnt go to find a dress today with my sister..though I thought we would...she preffereed not to because of two reaosns, #1, its Friday, os the mall would be PACKED with people...and I HATE poeple...so not goo...^_^ lol #2 she wanted to sleep. which I find, important if you dont want a very pissed off and annyoing sister. besides, I was tired after dancing rehersals.

but my sister already saw some cool dresses, one she really liked is a strepless one, till the knees, B&W stripes VERY cool, nice fabric she told me! on Monday after my Civics final we're gonna go together shopping! I just worry about the shoes...damn feet...^_^

it was quite funny, two of my friends who dance with a group, hip hop and such, like serious stuff, they did some coriagraph for a hip hop part in the song. and I think its the best dance we have so far! really, with the coriagraphor, we have the dumbest steps, with the exception of some cool ones. but this 20 seconds they did for us, pure awesomeness! so I REALLY was tired after that practice!

what else, now its 8 pm, so Im gonna go take a shower soon! Im going to see PotC 3, its gonna ROCK!!!! and meet with my mate as well =] total coolness! ^_^

other than that..my room is HALF orginized, which is more than not orginized at al, which should ocunt for something, right? and now all my friends are learning for our civics final on Monday, but I dont need to, cause I already studied for it! hehe! SO much fun! :)

what else...I burnt a really cool Metallica CD with a lot of their albums...oh, wait, I already said that in the otehr post....oh well..since no one read it, I guess it wouldnt harm to say it again here...^_^

I joined another HP board..kinda..its Dumbledore's Army, basically lots and lots of RPG between DA pDD army] and DE [death eaters] my only problem, I dunno which side to choose...cause in anotehr HP board, Im in OotP [order of the phoenix] which is like DA, so maybe now I should be DE? or should I just stick with the "good guys"?

suggestions, anyone?

other than that...

me

very

bored

period

I think this is going to be my first short post, cause I have nothing to say, cause my life is pretty boring....^_^ hmp

see ya later [or maybe not :p]

and dont forget to embrace your inner freak ;)

Dresses and Comments

so..here we are again.... Im after semi final in civics...which went, as good as the first one..which isnt really comforting...at least I ownthave to study for it again on Monday, cause I already studied it all, so at least I got THAT....^_^

other that...umm...tomorrow Im gonna go browse some dresses with my sister..you know, for PROM...baa...scary...though she said she saw a really cool strepless one, B&W with stripes, till the knee. SO cool! but on me? we'll see...;)

but my bigger problem is shoes...really. I dont like sandlas and such...dont really like my feet...lol..thats odd to say, but I dunno why...just dont.... so my sister said, when I told her this, that I could always wear black Allstar. I was like, 'ya think?" cause yknow, Prom, dress fancy and stuff, & Allstar. I mean, I think its uber cool, so who knows? my mum would kill me...^_^ she's more of the fancy shmancy stuff....my sister is combined, and Im the "freak" lol...Im just more layed back, and whatever I like I wearm no what would people think, or whats fashionable and sh*t.

but really now, I was in the bus with two mates of mine, which are also more of the fancy type [like, REALLY fancy...^_^] and everybody are tkaing this REALLY Seriously....its kinda freaky....^^ and they're gonna go look for something special [I want osmething special too..think that two ppl with the same dress! :O:O:O:O] LOL...even my friends that say its not biggie, are gonna do something big..its just the way to act...I know my mates...."mates"...I just want a cool dress, look good on me, be comfortable, and thats it.

is that SO much to ask...

I think we're gonna see princesses there...hahah

anywayz, on to other stuff...I burnt a really cool CD, all Metallica albums [its MP3, so it can hold a LOT of songs! very cool!] and umm..what else..nothing much....tomorrow my movie-not-date-with-younger-by-two-years-then-me-date.

hehe, that was fun to write! ^_^

and what else...well, I had the usuall ft with family..it happens everyday...god, they're SO annoying..they're kind alike naaive and rightehous or howver that lokng and dreadful word is spelled...and I used to be like that..but then my innocent was taken away, and I GREW UP, but not them....so they get annoyed with my snarky comments, or my truth comments. because you now, truth hurts..so...they live in lies..well, not lies..just half truths...awaful, I know...and then my mum tries to analyze me..and I HATE it when people try to analyze me! SO annoying..makes people feel superior and stuff...uh huh...only IM allowed to analyze myself! :p

I do it enough really, not point bothering others in it...lol...^_^ really...I analyze everything I do...like, my most little action, I think how that might reflect on me as a person and my way of behaviour...like WTF!?

I wanna be a doc. really, Im very interesed in human body, and also solving stuff, and helping people. I want something to do with internal medicine, or something like that...but maybe Pshyciatry is my place...^^

Psych Ward, here I come! muhahahah

umm..I dont know what else to say...okay okay..maybe I DO, but I figured, my posts are REALLY long...no wonder I dont have many comments..people start reading and then go, WHAT was she THINKING and just drift away...^_^ [oo! drift away reminds me of a song by Puddle of Mudd - Drift & Die. RELALY good!!! ] I relate EVERYTHING to music!!! [me. addiction. music.]

anywayz, dont forget to embrace your inner freak ;)

oh, and if youve REACHED this far, firstly, kudus, secondly, if you decide to comment [which I hope you do :p] please do tell me what you think of my new blog header, I did it myself, first try at this sort of stuff, so wanted to know if you think its good or bad...beware though, Im not gonna change it..unless you give me a tip to improve it...;) [Jas dont kill me ....xD]

and VERY IMPORTANT PS-incase you were wondering about my chosed pic...its for allt hose princesses-dresses-obssesed-girls out ther in the upcoming PROM of ours....^_^

Rememebr, Who Are You?

so...I know yesterday I didnt post..but I was a bit busy....studying to Civics and all that..^_^ baa...but now I finished readin git once, so I gave myself a break! woot! AND, I know I wont be able to write tonight, so I figured Id write this morning ;)

you see, the whole point why I needed to finished early with the studying is because today is the memoryale day [not sure if thats what its called in English] of my grandpa that died this day 3 years ago exactly. so we're going to his grave....its sad...but Im going to say something, and hope you dont think Im emotionless or something like that...its just, this days are important, but its kinda weird..its not like I dont remmeber my grand any other day of the year, only on this date...I usually remmeber in him in the most odd times...when I think, how sad it is that he wont be able to see me graduate, or be at my wedding or those kinda stuff...or just see me. period. I think of him, and tears well up in my eyes, cause you think of him, but you know you cant ever talk with him ever again....and its just sad. makes my "problems" seem worthless and stupid.

so you see, I think of him regardless of what date it is...and surely so does my grandma [his wife] and all other relaitves that were close to him...so this day is important, but its not like I dont remember he's dead or something...you understand?

wow...how am I supposed to start talking about something funny and amusing after THAT? well, for me its not really a problem...Im done crying and caring what people think of my behaviour, so Im just gonna be me :p

so, I talked with mystry [for you, not for me ;)] boy yesterday, and we decided we had to meet for real, and not just see each otehr at school for like a min, so I Asked him if he saw PotC3 [we talked before that he wanted to see it, and I did too...] he said he hadnt seen it yet, I said I hadnt either. so I asked him to go with me to the cinema....so we're going to a movie this Friday.

OMFG! what have I done! lol....no one said its a"date" lol...its just, two friends, going out to watch a movie [we both happen to really REALLY wanna see :p]...but my problem is..I never went alone...well..never alone, just me and a GUY....so..umm....baaa...[Im SO lame...^_^] but what can I do....I just hope we wont have an awkard silence...though the fact we're gonna see a movie helpes...so we dont have to talk too much...but there are breaks and like 30 mins till the movies really starts...[damn commercials..I actually like the trailers...^_^]...cross your hands for me....and tips are welcomed ;)

lol..THAT was funny....Im pretty sure there are only, perhaps, 3 people who are actually reading this....and thats a huge MAYBE....so, Im pretty much asking advice from someone..though Im pretty sure no-one is reading this....

kinda makes this whole thing pointless, dont you think ;) lol...xD who's YOU anyhow :p

back to topic....umm...other than guy and civics semi final...yesterday I did my blog header! isnt it cool!!! Im SO inlove with it!!! hehe! I did it from scratch!!! it was just a blank something...now its this beautiful and oh-so-cool blog header!!!! :D if you want me to make you [again, who's you] something, let me know ;) I like doing stuff for other poeple.... lol, my borhter saw it, and he asked me to do one for him too! not a blog header, but a sig...but I can do pretty much everything...muhahah ;P LOL

anywayz...Im off to find something to do....maybe a pic for this post..cause Im ont eh other comp and all the cool icons are on the other one...so..gotta find something!!! wish me luck ;)

and dont forget,

embrace your inner freak

Sleepless

well...not really...since I slept for all day...^_^ umm..I think the exact amount is 3 hours...but still..its 3 hours more than I usually do in day light! really! I guess it got too much for me...or maybe the fact that I was starting to study to my civics semi final, the material is SO boring...cause its gonna be the 2nd time I do it....and the fact that I need to read it all AGAIN....just too much to bear! [--there's a really good song! Cross to Bear by Staind. whenevr someone says Bear I remember in the song..dunno why...lol....^-^]

so, now Im awake...and instead of trying to get something in my brain, Im here....how...surprising? I think NOT :P I dont really know what to write today...nothing much happened....I didnt feel too good today...but now Im better...;) I need a desperate haircut...and I still need a dress....

wow...my life is pretty boring.....well...NO surprise there...I dont relaly go out much...I dunno why, I mean, its not like Im too busy or anything...I guess, that when Im supposed to be studying [and not] then if I REALLY go out, Ill feel bad with myself...while when Im still at home I wont?

nah...thats not it....lol...I dunno why....Im trying to analyze myself, and it sucks...cause Im getting pretty annoyed with myself. I Think how everything I do serves me, or in a way, or what might/could/would/should happen...and its just annoying! I just want to stop my brain from thinking for a moment...I mean...Im always the thoughtful one, the one that thinks it through...but Im tired of it...on the one hand, its a good thing...but lately, it kinda invaded and spread too much into my life...just too much....*sigh*

wow...just realized in every post I did here I had at least one '*sigh*'...how....sad....[tempted to sigh but I wont! :P ]

Im listening to Linkin Park's new cd, its kinda good, so, good! xD I know they're performing August 28th with My Chemical Romance and some other bands in Syracuse. and I was so excited, I though, hey, Im at NY at that time! but Im at NY NY, and I found out Ayracuse is 4-5 driving hours away...that SUCKS! I cant find a decent concert on the dates we're on! :S

Im tired....and thirsty....baaa....I just realized...if Im gonna give this link to all my fruends...those that might read it [cause Im pretty sure some wont^^] will READ it! like...I dont tell anyone these stuff...really...this is like my diary..only its online..and whomever can read it....kinda weird seeing Im a really private person.....I could start analyzing the reasons I did it in the end...but I wont tired myself with writing it, and you guys in reading it....

youre probably really bored by now with my nonsense rambling....

I made some cool graphics in PhotoShop today, it was fun! though I still didnt understand how someone like turned the angle of the pic - SO VERY COOL. I. need. to. know. HOW! . --lol--

I think Im ognna read my book now...Im reading The Way Of The Peacful Warrior by Dan Millman. I wont lie, I saw the trailer of the movie thats based on this book on cinema, thought its gonna be a good movie Id want to see...but since its based on a book, I figured Id read the book before...:P especially since its still not out, and this gives me something to do when no-one's online and I dont wanna study...

you see...too much analyzing!

so, Ill see ya later,

and dont forget,

DO AS MY ICON [--made by me--] SAYS

The End

so...its literally the end...of bible!!! muahaha! its SO cool!

anywayz.....my life suc...really...I mean....my dad has transformed to someone/thing I dont know anymore....ever since my math final that didnt go so well..he's been acting REALLY Weird...kinda freaky if you ask me....^-^ and my mum...well..she's my mum...a very needy and whiny person. I mean, me and needy people, NOT a good match....its not that I cant give..I give. a LOT. its just, I like to do it on my own terms, and not to be told, do this, do that. that just annoyes me and makes me not want to do it...you knw..that reversed psychology...in this case, true. people should be independent. they can be relyable, but not too much..and my mum..she always wants us --correction, me -- to help her. and I mean, come-on!

now, dont get me wrong. I like to help my mum..its just, when you have three people to choose from, and she ALWAYS picks me, it gets to you... anywayz..so today, she wnated me to help her. I said Ill do it, no problem, I just wanted to finish this fanfic I was reading then help her. but NO! mum says we do. she complains why I never do stuff on the exact moment she ask me to do them. well, sorry mum, I DO have a life..even though you dont think so...

so, Im reading fanfic, meanwhile my dad comes in, and orders me to help my mum or get out of comp. I said ok, Ill get out of comp. I mean, if she's just wait 10 mins Id come and do it! so my father goes balistic, saying he'll take my guitar and piano. saying either I go now, or in addition to my guitar and piano, I wont go to my LAte August till mid October trip to NY. I Was like, ok, no trip! stormed out and litened to Damein Rice and Staind [-really good music, Damien calms me down, and to Staind I can relate completely! expecially to the song For You from their album Break the cycle. SO good!!!]

now hear this. the first trip was of my sister after highschool, she went to NY for a month and a half. then, my little brother for his Bar Mitzva went with my parent for a month and a half to USA. so everybody went there 'cept me. so it was obvious Id go there too, when I finish highschool, just like my sister. I mean, its SO obvious, they dont even need t say, "here's your graduatin present" or, "what do you want as a graduaiton present" I mean. I may sound snobish. some peopl dont even GET to ask such questions, but I do, and the fact that I dont get ask, just annoying. they just ASSUME I want to go. maybe I want t go somewhere else as a trip after graduation?! I mean, no one even bothers to ask me what Id like. heck, Im not even too sure if they KNOW what I like...

really..no ne gets me..not even my family..I guess thats a bit sad....but what can I do? Ive turned WAY too sarcastic, cynical and closed inside, its REALLY Hard to say what I feel...except here, where I say everyhting, which is REALLY weird, cause anyone can read this. ANYONE. oh well...

*sigh*

dont knw what else to say..in the end, I helped my mother..though she thought at the begining I wasnt...dont be surprised, its happens a lot that I help her, she wont even knwo it was me...thats just the way things are, and cause Im not going to praise myself. its just left like that. probably the reason why my mum always says my brothers helps SO much, wheras I dont. cause when HE does something, the WHOLE world knows about it...when I do something, I know about it.

so messed up!

anywayz....I finally met the guy from previews post...I mean, I met him before, then talked with him on msn. but because I dont go much to school now, I always missed him. now I saw him, so it was fun! he's such a cutie! lol..I Still dont know what Im gonna do about it...him..us?! *sigh*

and to think Prom is soon...[month away] girls coming with dresses...GOD! I never wore a dress! gonna be SO awakward and weird and...I dunno...dress!? gotta buy one...gotta cut my hair too...I just dont know, short or long? HELP please! *puppy round eyes face*

umm...dont know what else to say...probably gonna go watch House in about 20 mins...maybe Ill fetch me some dinner...if there's food...lol....so, I guess Ill see ya aorund ;)

and dont forget,

embrace your inner freak

[I know I do ;) ]

For You by Staind [Break the cycle]

To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

The silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way too fast!

The silence is what kills me

I need someone here to help me

But you don't know how to listen

And let me make my decisions

I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

The silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way to fast!

All your insults and your curses make

me feel like I'm not a person,
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something'

Cause I'm fucked up because you are

Need attention, attention you couldn't give

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast

Bible Movies and Flirting?!

well...I guess Ill start with last night...I was home alone... and I watched brokeback Mountain. Ive been wanting to watch it for a while now...but I was alone in that aspect...so I was thrilled to see it was on tv last night, plus, I was alone, so no one could tell me to switch chanelles or anything like that. such a good movie. I suggested to watch it. its probably pretty controversial, because of the whole gay stuff in it, but it was excellent. realy should watch it!

well, after that, I went to bed, and got up today. first thing I do when I Get up, learn to bible....learn and learn and learn. peww...then had lunch [gotta eat^^] and saw 3 lbs. great show! I think Im addicted to doc shows..really! House, ER, Grey's anatomy, 3lbs. and Im probably forgetting anotehr one....I just love it. its the best combination ever. medicine, and drama [and hot people ;)]

then, back to learn...learn learn learn...all the while I got phone calls from grands and parents, to see if Im alive....lol....all I do is sit and read the bible.....^-^ then! I finally finished reading everything [once] and decided thats enough, and got on computer, for some interaction and music! Im listening to Daughtry. he's REALLY good!!!

now, to the interesting stuff...there's this guy....and we talk. he's cute [lol] but he's also younger than me in two years...he's so...young^^ lol...I dont really have much experience in this stuff...never had a boyfriend before....[I probably scare them away...^^] but we keep talking...and well, he's pretty obssesed on finding me a boufriend...its kinda weird and funny xD so we talk, and its nice..I mean, I always wanted to have a boy friend. not boyfriend. just a good male friend. yknow...but, our conversations are rally flirty....I think..I mean..Im not really an expert on flirting..I can be REALLY dence sometimes...^^

I just dont know....on the one hand, its fun to talk to him...but on the other, it seems [I could be utterly wrong...I dunno] like we're totally flirting with each other...now...I dont think this would have been THAT complicated if he was like, my age....lol...its not that I care much about age diferences....but when Im almost 18 and he's almost 16..its pretty different...^^ maybe in a few years? I Dunno...not to mention...my mum is his teacher...can I say AWKWARD? ^-^

*sigh*

I guess we'll just have to wait and see...he wants to set me up with someone...lol...I guess thats not such a bad idea..I dunno if itll work though...it never seems to work with my friends...though they always try to set me up with weird people...so that might be the reason...xD but really...I need to get out more....I dont know much boys....hmmm....

anywayz..I think Im gonna go reread some stuff....or just hang here...listen to music....there's Phantom of the Opera on tv today, gonna see that :) its like, all the movies I Wanted to see are on tv this weekend! cool! to compensate on the never-ending-bible-reading ^^ lol

cya later mates ;)

and dont forget,

embrace your inner freak

Bible final and whatnot

Howbeit there shall be no needy among you

Im just reading through all my Bible material for my final this upcoming Sunday and when I read this quite I just feel odd about it. this quite means that there shouldnt be any poor on the land, and for that to happen, the rich will let off of their debts and such, so the poor could have a new begining. all this, so there will be no poor in the world. quite idealism dont you think? if that would really happen, our world would be SO good! of course though, its doesnt really happen, and its not really good....no peace, no forgivnece, a lot of revegne and grudge though, that Id say.

Im not saying I dont feel grudge or anything like that. of course I do, Im only human you know. I even always hope I will hold up to my grudge and avenge them, but somewhere along the line, I dunno, I either lost interest, or realized its just really not worth it. or simply forget about it cause its SO meaningless....^-^

wow, this is actually fun, Im both by the computer, reading, and listening to music. well, Im sorry, I said both and I listed three stuff...^^ though in my material I read once a list for 3 stuff, with only 2 in them, and vice verse, so, whatever ;)

so, Ive learnt almost 2/3rs of the material, the final is on Sunday, so I still got whats left of today, and tomorrow...but I hope to finish as much as I can today, so tomorrow wont be too stressful.

Im home alone, and on any other time, Id be thrilled, but, well, its not that Im not happy about it, its just that its kinda wasted, cause I can do whatever I want, but all I really AM doing is reading the bible....so its like my few days of peace are wasted...figures, it just fits my luck, if youll stick long enough with me, youll find out that bad luck equals my luck....its been proven, I assure you! [sadly...^^]

funny thing, I was reading the bible [shocking, isnt it ;)] my sister called and said "open the tv on Mtv, your guy is on, Topher" I was like, "really! cool, thanks" hung up and went to watch TRL, and there they were, the cast of Spiderman 3. woot! I really like Spiderman, and Topher Grace, and when I heard he's gonna be on 3 I was excited! then I heard its gonna be when Peter goes all EMO and I was SO happy! he looked SO cute! [Tobey] I think emo fits him better...^^ lol, better than nerdy that is xD and I wanted Topher to be like Emo cuteness too, but NO! they turn him into this something with the weirdest teeth EVER! baa! not fair! *pout* well, it still was fun! :) *nods* though if I didnt REALLY like Spiderman, it probably owuldnt be worth it...^^

anywayz, back to topic, so they were on TRL, and they were all SO cute! I hope there's gonna be 4....though TOpher probably wont be on it [since he died and all that...xD] but who knows? one can hope right?

wow..I just realized how girly this might sound....which...oppsed to my previews post must sound odd...oh well...Im quite the chamalion [sp?!] I change a lot, and got many identities...you can love me, hate me, and love to hate and hate to love me! muhahaha, and everything in between of course ;)

AND while IW as watching TRL, I came across Marron 5 new album [downloaded it of course] it ROCKS! as well as Daughtry [which I downloaded as well...^^] and it rocks too! great stuff! and a week ago I downloaded Metallica S&M-its FANTASTIC! its MEtallica+full Orchestra of San Fransisco, and its amazing! classical rock is like adding my fav two styles togetehr [rock and classic, lol] and I can listen to it nonstop! really! :D I wish I was such a good player, I could play like that! its be SO awesome! truly!

anywayz...I think Im gonna learn some more....and think about that quote, Howbeit there shall be no needy among you its about a world where everyone are equal, no one's poor and in need.

think about that.

Greetings [from outer space?]

always wanted to say that...^-^ well, I DO say that, with my fingers spread as three...you know ;) it SO much fun...^^ it makes people think Im weird....which, wouldnt be so far away from the truth...

I never get it, why people want to be normal, odd is MUCH more fun! uniqe is the best! being yourself, and true to yourself, THATS what matters, and not, as opposed to what people think, what people think about you. many people say they dont care what other people think about them, but the fact is, they do. even when they say they dont, its just to make them seem uncaring while they do care. a LOT. I, on the other hand, am not like that. I truly do NOT care what people think, plus, I speak my mind, I try not to lie [of course when it benifits me, Ill lie, dont doubt it] but if there's no need to lie, I speak honesty....now, youre probably thinking, why should you believe me, well, do whatever you feel like...I dont really care...and I mean it when I say it. heck, if youd hear the things people say about me...^^ but I dont care, so it doesnt really matter...if people have fun gossiping, whatever, SO not worth it.

ANYWAYZ, on a brighter topic, hello to you all! I always wanted to have a blog....though I never see the point in it....kinda like starting a diary, which never really worked for me...^^ but I suppose since its on the computer, I could always lash out here, instead of my friends...^^ theyd be gratful, I can talk nonstop...as youll see with time ;) I promise, and I tend to keep my promises! or, at least, try.

so, what can I tell you that you might want to hear? well, Im trying to write fanfics, I have some written, but for some unknown reason [if itd be known, there wouldnt be any problem now would there? ;) ] well, the problem's that I cant seem to write anymore...I mean, I can write, heck! I even gave some other people advice and plot lines, but when it comes to ME, it just doesnt comes out right, and it frustrates me to NO end, you cant even imagine it! writing was supposedto be my solace, and now I dont even have that...=/ oh well...I guess Ill just have to keep trying till I get it right! I never give up! I may get depressed and down, but Ill NEVER give up! after all, whats the point in living, if youll always give up? I say, the mistakes are the fun of the life, it what makes us alive, and living, and not just robots al doing the same old rutines....like everybody else, as I said before, you gotta be unique, or, as I like to say now, youve got to embrace your inner freak! which is why Im so fond of that nickname, inner freak, I think it just fits me perfectly, I consider myself a freak, just because I like to stand out, and do my OWN thing, and screw other people who dont like it, I embrace who I am and accept it, I love my inner freak!

thats really it for now..though I probably could go for on and on about pretty much anything, meaningful and meanigless...its my added bonus to playing the piano and guitar, I use my fingers a lot, playing and writing...I think they have a mind of their own...^-^

anywayz, till next time,

embrace your inner freak