The End

so...its literally the end...of bible!!! muahaha! its SO cool!

anywayz.....my life suc...really...I mean....my dad has transformed to someone/thing I dont know anymore....ever since my math final that didnt go so well..he's been acting REALLY Weird...kinda freaky if you ask me....^-^ and my mum...well..she's my mum...a very needy and whiny person. I mean, me and needy people, NOT a good match....its not that I cant give..I give. a LOT. its just, I like to do it on my own terms, and not to be told, do this, do that. that just annoyes me and makes me not want to do it...you knw..that reversed psychology...in this case, true. people should be independent. they can be relyable, but not too much..and my mum..she always wants us --correction, me -- to help her. and I mean, come-on!

now, dont get me wrong. I like to help my mum..its just, when you have three people to choose from, and she ALWAYS picks me, it gets to you... anywayz..so today, she wnated me to help her. I said Ill do it, no problem, I just wanted to finish this fanfic I was reading then help her. but NO! mum says we do. she complains why I never do stuff on the exact moment she ask me to do them. well, sorry mum, I DO have a life..even though you dont think so...

so, Im reading fanfic, meanwhile my dad comes in, and orders me to help my mum or get out of comp. I said ok, Ill get out of comp. I mean, if she's just wait 10 mins Id come and do it! so my father goes balistic, saying he'll take my guitar and piano. saying either I go now, or in addition to my guitar and piano, I wont go to my LAte August till mid October trip to NY. I Was like, ok, no trip! stormed out and litened to Damein Rice and Staind [-really good music, Damien calms me down, and to Staind I can relate completely! expecially to the song For You from their album Break the cycle. SO good!!!]

now hear this. the first trip was of my sister after highschool, she went to NY for a month and a half. then, my little brother for his Bar Mitzva went with my parent for a month and a half to USA. so everybody went there 'cept me. so it was obvious Id go there too, when I finish highschool, just like my sister. I mean, its SO obvious, they dont even need t say, "here's your graduatin present" or, "what do you want as a graduaiton present" I mean. I may sound snobish. some peopl dont even GET to ask such questions, but I do, and the fact that I dont get ask, just annoying. they just ASSUME I want to go. maybe I want t go somewhere else as a trip after graduation?! I mean, no one even bothers to ask me what Id like. heck, Im not even too sure if they KNOW what I like...

really..no ne gets me..not even my family..I guess thats a bit sad....but what can I do? Ive turned WAY too sarcastic, cynical and closed inside, its REALLY Hard to say what I feel...except here, where I say everyhting, which is REALLY weird, cause anyone can read this. ANYONE. oh well...

*sigh*

dont knw what else to say..in the end, I helped my mother..though she thought at the begining I wasnt...dont be surprised, its happens a lot that I help her, she wont even knwo it was me...thats just the way things are, and cause Im not going to praise myself. its just left like that. probably the reason why my mum always says my brothers helps SO much, wheras I dont. cause when HE does something, the WHOLE world knows about it...when I do something, I know about it.

so messed up!

anywayz....I finally met the guy from previews post...I mean, I met him before, then talked with him on msn. but because I dont go much to school now, I always missed him. now I saw him, so it was fun! he's such a cutie! lol..I Still dont know what Im gonna do about it...him..us?! *sigh*

and to think Prom is soon...[month away] girls coming with dresses...GOD! I never wore a dress! gonna be SO awakward and weird and...I dunno...dress!? gotta buy one...gotta cut my hair too...I just dont know, short or long? HELP please! *puppy round eyes face*

umm...dont know what else to say...probably gonna go watch House in about 20 mins...maybe Ill fetch me some dinner...if there's food...lol....so, I guess Ill see ya aorund ;)

and dont forget,

embrace your inner freak

[I know I do ;) ]

For You by Staind [Break the cycle]

To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

The silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way too fast!

The silence is what kills me

I need someone here to help me

But you don't know how to listen

And let me make my decisions

I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

The silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way to fast!

All your insults and your curses make

me feel like I'm not a person,
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something'

Cause I'm fucked up because you are

Need attention, attention you couldn't give

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast